Just Living Is Not Enough

Where did I go?

mistyws — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:38:44 +0000

So where was I for the last ten years? I mean I know WHERE I was.. and last year I starting remembering who I was again..but it is amazing to me when I think that although I was married to a really nice person..I was married and also tucked away so much of what makes me happy who I am. I think its so easy to be married to someone and think its supposed to work forever. That we are sentenced to that life and ESPECIALLY if that person hasn’t been a bad person. I walked around feeling like a lot was missing but I didn’t want to upset the apple cart. It’s a mess when you have to change paths in the middle of a life you’ve already lived in for nearly 20 years. Your family expects you to be going along as usual..they are used to that person and they don’t “get” that you might actually need or want more to be living in technicolor. Sometimes with my ex husband I would supress my excitement about certain things, because I don’t think he ever got excited about things like a great new movie, a good book, Disney World..or just a good cup of coffee while you watch birds at the feeder. I felt like I was passionate about so many things and he was always looking at me like “Why are you so excited about THAT?”..And do you know that i used to paint and draw? and write? And I’ve been in a job (teaching) that I once loved but it has becoe so NON creative..and all about tests and ways of doing things that I don’t believe in…that I’m starting to dread that..every day!

Long story short..I am in a relationship that lets me live in technicolor..and I am ready to start thinking ahead in terms of working that way. I really might leave teaching..in the next year or so..and write.. I’m lucky in that I can pursue that if I want..though I’d never imagined I could..and now i really WANT TO. Life is so short..and I’m ready to start loving all of it.. I really have had an interesting year..full of stress at times but its been THE BEST decision I’ve ever made in my life.

Happy 2012.. I have made positive change for myself and i’m going to keep it going…
“”

Changes

mistyws — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:24:34 +0000

My life has become a wonderful thing..lots of changes. I’m getting married in July to the guy that is everything to me and treats me like I am everything plus the moon and the stars! I am also looking at my career and considering making changes there. Teaching has become something so completely different from what I once did..they are making changes that I don’t believe in or agree with and it is making me very grouchy. I am no longer cheery about my job, and so my other half and I have discussed it..he hates for me to work where I’m not happy..I don’t have to do so, because of his work..and so I’m starting to consider leaving teaching and working on my writing much more intensely. (I have not had time to write in awhile/freelance writing etc that I once loved doing!)..I’m getting excited about that possibility..its something I never thought I’d be able to do..and I’m starting to really seriously consider it!!!!! more later.

staying here

mistyws — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 02:31:02 +0000

Ok so the other place, was driving me nuts. Couldn’t have people comment if I posted a photo..(Well truth is, there’s probably a way to do that, but I just had no time for figuring it out) So i’m staying here. I’m not very consistent with blogging..but mostly because I’m busy with life. Life is good..As of this weekend we will have an added teenager to the house. (My bf’s daughter is coming to live with us..) She spent July here, and she really is better off with us than with her mom. So that will be a new adventure. She’s a sweet girl, and I am looking forward to a really fun Christmas this year…

new place

mistyws — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 13:38:53 +0000

I am in the mood for a new “Spot”..so i’m moving over here: http://wwwmistywindsong.tumblr.com/

July was great

mistyws — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 16:52:00 +0000

July was wonderful..busy but full of adventure. We traveled to Cape Cod for a week, we spent a weekend in NYC..B.’s daughters spent the month with us..and it was a lot of fun. We played loads of board games with THREE teenagers..which is surreal in itself. (The fact that they wanted to play board games with us that often .. It was so much fun. The biggest thing of all is that I am finally living a happy life. I’m not waiting for someone to be finished with their hobbies to join me in something..I’m not wondering what in the world we will do as a couple besides the same old “watch a movie” or “go to dinner”… I’m with someone who loves books like I do, loves to travel like I do, loves to write, to watch plays or movies, to take walks and go to the ocean..to work on things around the house and plan together about our house, to plan adventures we will have, and times with our family..etc.There is this never ending list of things we want to do and I never had that before now. Add to that so many things..one example: I injured my knee this week and he made sure I was icing it (got the ice, watched the clock for regular intervals of icing) to make sure i was icing it regularly.. THIS is someone, who if i woke at 3am and said “I feel like chinese food” he’d say “Ok i’ll be right back”..and i would never do that lol but he just treats me with care and genuine love, that of which I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed.. Thank you July.. for being so much fun.

June I love you

mistyws — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 00:06:21 +0000

i love June..it means i am almost done with work and i can have two months to concentrate on other things..Things are better..most of my family is fine now and actually like my new boyfriend–very much. They have all been good–other than one relative who’s more stubborn about it and I’ve decided to not let his immaturity bother me..Between separating from my husband, raising a teenager and trying to deal with family stuff..its been a rough five months!! Things are finally starting to feel better and i feel happy, at peace and less sad about the separation. I know I did the right thing and that overshadows the sadness now more than ever…

Really living for me

mistyws — Wed, 04 May 2011 23:26:09 +0000

So this year begins the life I live for me. Its been a rough start, full of stress. I’m happy but the after effects of leaving my marriage still linger. Just a week ago..an uncle sent me some very unkind words. He was upset with me for separating from my husband. He was upset with both of us. He didn’t understand it. None of them do. How can you leave a “good guy” ? they think.. As if good or bad are the labels you can throw around to explain so much. I left because that good guy, wasn’t the guy for me. I don’t think I was the girl for him either. Yes we did well for the years we were together, but I want more, and I’m actually feeling and getting more from the guy I’m currently dating..We have more in common, we want the same things. Suddenly I”m excited about every holiday, every weekend..little things, big things, silly things. I’m a grownup..so having relatives act as if I’m a child who can’t make my own decisions–is upsetting. I was VERY upset last week. But since then I’ve decided to let it go. I don’t need their approval..I have a life to live. I’ve been stress eating..and not getting enough exercise and tonight I walked for 45 minutes and it felt incredible. Like “Remember those endorphins?”..yes I do! I need to find them much more often. I’m worth it.

April

mistyws — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 13:35:20 +0000

Wow i am a bad poster..I haven’t posted since January!! But..I am very happy..and though I’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs as i get through the separation and ending of my marriage–I’m dating someone from my past who adores me, who I adore..and so far so good. He’s proof to me that I did the right thing, that being with someone who shares interests and who wants to share time with you vs. his own interests for most of his week, is a very good thing. I was married to someone who put his personal hobbies ahead of our family and marriage..and hours and hours were necessary for them. I just couldn’t live that way and he wasn’t willing to do it any differently. Spring is here and I am happy about that too. Life is good!

One month

mistyws — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 23:30:34 +0000

One month since I moved out..I’m doing well..though there are times when I have had some weird moments. First of all it’s awkward being separated after your entire world knows you as “he and she”..and then you run into people who don’t know you’re separated and seeing as you don’t walk around wearing a sign..they say things and the you have to tell them. It’s just awkward at times. And sometimes it’s more awkward because they look at you with such a sad look it’s as if they are pitying you..and i don’t want pity. Really I am ok..and i made the right decision..and really when all is said and done, i have someone in my life that I can begin dating as i am more ready (soon just..not yet) who i know that i am compatible with..and have had strong feelings for since I was 18. My marriage was over in a lot of ways a long while ago..I just needed the courage to physically leave..and now that i have i am taking this time for me..But I am not feeling lonely or as though I will never meet someone..I’m not in that place. I kind of resent the pity that people show because it also makes it seem as if you are “not whole” without someone..and that seems wrong too. I think love is great but it should add to our lives, not “complete it”..

Some of my sadder moments mostly revolve around realizing that the “dream” i had with that exspouse, wasn’t really what I thought it would be..its sad to see something end, despite it being the right choice. And even sadder at times is the knowledge that he never fought for me. I was the one who decided I wanted out. I was the one who knew it was necessary for my life to be happiest. But there is a part of me that sometimes gets sad to realize he never said “no don’t go..” or “no..let’s work on this”..nope. None of that. In the end, a marriage was never as important to him as the hobbies he had. He has an intense passion for certain hobbies/sports he participates in and those things required many hours of his week. There was no affair between he and another person. There was however an affair between he and himself, he and his passions. Those things were always first..Ultimately that was part of what ruined ‘us’……

Anyway I’ve lived here for one month..and i’ve made it through one full month.I am proud of myself for that alone. Years ago I’d have never imagined I could do this. February is nearly here..Bring it on.

One week

mistyws — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 19:40:45 +0000

So it has been one week since I moved out. Thank you GiGi for your kind words I just read earlier. I am doing pretty well. There was a lot of tearful time that first weekend here..but now I am past the initial upset in telling my family..they are doing well and it all went far better than I imagined. My grandmother even talked to me and said some good things. I had a rough start to the week because I wasn’t sleeping. So by Thursday at work, I was more exhausted than I’ve been in years. I think the combination of stress, moving all the week before and change–all just tired me out. I took a personal day from work yesterday and slept..did quiet things around the house..and today I am so much more rested and normal feeling. I’m going to a girlfriend’s house for dinner, drinks and lots of talking. I need that and I’m looking forward to it. Then coffee in the morning with another gf. I’m taking care of myself, and resting and reading..I think this work week will be much easier to make it through. I know that this was the right thing to do..and so that part makes it easier. I have had great comfort in talking to one of my aunts. She is only five years older than I am, (my dad’s baby sister) but she has stepped up to be the support I’ve needed all along..far better at it than my own sister (who is younger)..and I am grateful for it.