Where did I go?
23 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
So where was I for the last ten years? I mean I know WHERE I was.. and last year I starting remembering who I was again..but it is amazing to me when I think that although I was married to a really nice person..I was married and also tucked away so much of what makes me happy who I am. I think its so easy to be married to someone and think its supposed to work forever. That we are sentenced to that life and ESPECIALLY if that person hasn’t been a bad person. I walked around feeling like a lot was missing but I didn’t want to upset the apple cart. It’s a mess when you have to change paths in the middle of a life you’ve already lived in for nearly 20 years. Your family expects you to be going along as usual..they are used to that person and they don’t “get” that you might actually need or want more to be living in technicolor. Sometimes with my ex husband I would supress my excitement about certain things, because I don’t think he ever got excited about things like a great new movie, a good book, Disney World..or just a good cup of coffee while you watch birds at the feeder. I felt like I was passionate about so many things and he was always looking at me like “Why are you so excited about THAT?”..And do you know that i used to paint and draw? and write? And I’ve been in a job (teaching) that I once loved but it has becoe so NON creative..and all about tests and ways of doing things that I don’t believe in…that I’m starting to dread that..every day!
Long story short..I am in a relationship that lets me live in technicolor..and I am ready to start thinking ahead in terms of working that way. I really might leave teaching..in the next year or so..and write.. I’m lucky in that I can pursue that if I want..though I’d never imagined I could..and now i really WANT TO. Life is so short..and I’m ready to start loving all of it.. I really have had an interesting year..full of stress at times but its been THE BEST decision I’ve ever made in my life.
Happy 2012.. I have made positive change for myself and i’m going to keep it going…
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