Today was a much better day than yesterday. I let go of all of yesterday’s angst. I didn’t sleep much last night, but am past that..and after my dr appt today, realized I am now allowed to sleep on my side again–so this means I WILL SLEEP better tonight .  Hubby took part of his day off to drive with me to a recheck with my dr..and on the way home in that bright, beautiful sunshine we drank coffee coolattas and I just felt better. I realized that as sad as I was initially about leaving friends behind at work, I’m thankful to still be teaching reading..and thankful for a job I love. So I sipped my coolatta in the bright sunshine and let it all go..and tonight we got a great Friday night fish dinner..with bad, rarely- do- I- eat-french fries..and they were good too. Life will be ok.

Last night was the first episode of Big Brother 11. Every year I watch Big Brother purely out of having so few choices in the summer time. It’s pure junk for the mind..and you know this because by the time July rolls around you can barely remember who last year’s players or winner was. I needed reminding!  My only major disappointment last night was when former houseguest Jesse, was allowed to join in this season. That muscle-head is the most annoying and cocky guy ever. Just can’t stand to watch him!  I could really care less about how big his muscles are, and he flexes them as if they are important. Blech. Give me a normal sized guy, any day. I even like rockstar thin, with sex appeal. But not muscle bound Jesse. Sorry Jesse.

Oh how i hate, when life is going along smoothly and somehow everything gets changed up. Here it is, July and as of today I find out that I will be working at a completely different elementary school in the Fall. This means I stop working with my friends (that i’ve worked with since March of 2005), stop working with children I’ve known there since the same time period..AND have to move all of my stuff over this summer. I’m trying to take deep breaths..and go with the flow. Trying to be glad that I have a job at all. Trying to not let it freak my freak..because if I think about it too hard..it will freak me out.  And this is July. I’m supposed to be recovering from surgery, relaxing..enjoying summer. Not getting worked up over my day to day changing, come September. NOT TO MENTION it means more work for me before September. (The moving, the unpacking, the setting up in a new room.) sigh. Deep breath.

I might need an ice cream cone this week too.

Summer, I’ve decided, cannot be measured by how many sunny and warm days there are. Sure..that’s typically how it goes. Summer is about being outside, swimming and sunshine..but you just have to make do with what you get. This has not been the warmest, sunniest summer..so far..that is for sure. So instead I just try to be thankful for having the summer off.. for regrouping, having time to actually drink coffee slowly and load the dishwasher at 10am if I want to.

I never imagined this would be the summer that Michael Jackson would be buried. I guess he just represents so much in our pop culture, so much of his music was in the background of my life..so it’s odd to think he is no longer there. And odder still to explain to my son, why people are making a big deal out of it, when my son can only think “But he molested children.”… so I try to tell him “we don’t know exactly what happened, unfortunately”..which is true. We can speculate, we can imagine..but we just don’t know. And that part of his life, can’t be the only thing that’s remembered..because he was much more than that. To the outside world anyway..and to his family and friends.  Like all things, there are so many shades of grey. We can’t just put it all in one box and walk away.

Seeing his daughter–Paris..who I haven’t seen much of until then–what a pretty girl..she was the most important moment of that memorial. To her, he was daddy..and that’s where the greatest loss will be. It didn’t hit me until I watched her try to speak. I only hope those kids have more influence than MJ’s parents in their lives. Because we all can see, how that worked out.

My ambition has got to be improving..I feel a bit more energetic and I need to start getting more done.  Because I’ve had a house husband for the last five months, and let me tell you–it was NICE. He had been out of work for all that time due to his shoulder surgery..but he definitely improved and was able to do dishwasher loading/unloading, laundry etc. and I was also getting used to having him around all the time! This week he returned to work..i’m off of work for summer..and well..those dishes won’t be loaded and unloaded all on their own! So today, i’m back to the housework routine as best I can be. Still no heavy lifting for me, but dishes aren’t heavy. Yesterday I felt like I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could BREATHE out of both sides which–after 12 days—felt like the best invention ever. And the swelling is going down more each day..i’m finally looking less like Marcia Brady after the football hit her. Being fair skinned, my bruising just takes longer to go away. It’s little by little disappearing. That part just seems to take longer than I imagined however!

When you’re caring for your health/body so much you start to forget all the other things in life that make you happy. I miss reading, being creative, gardening etc. I’m glad to be getting back closer to normal life again!

Still. House husbands?? Good when you can get ‘em

Still healing. I knew it would be lengthy-this process..but to me it’s far worth the outcome. Still..being a hermit, gets lonely! I have, watched my share of movies however and bad tv.

My cast was removed on Thursday. My profile was immediately improved and had balance, and I was happy about that. Frontal view-not so much because there is still a lot of swelling. It will go down–but for now i look like Marcia Brady the day she got hit in the nose with the football. Still..progress takes time. I still have crescents of bruising beneath my eyes–slowly getting less and less..my upper lip is still a bit numb..but getting easier to eat normal foods now.

It’s kind of like this : You have to just endure being ugly-to get to the pretty. I keep reminding myself this..and by the end of this coming week things will look even better than they did on Monday..

Happy July 4th..

So I am on summer vacation but healing. I opted to have nose surgery on the first day of my summer vacation so that I’d be able to heal and enjoy the rest of the summer. I have a deviated septum –70 percent blockage on one side in fact, but more than that–i’ve spent 30 years hating my profile. 30 years is a long time to live with something you can never embrace, that’s part of you. I finally took the plunge..let go of the fear and scheduled surgery after researching surgeons nearby. I found someone with a long list of acheivements, who specializes in this–and people come from around the world to watch him. I am on day 6 of recovery and it’s getting better each day. Tomorrow the cast will come off and I will at least stop dealing with apparatus on my face (bandages etc.) and be able to take a REAL shower..not just baths..It hasn’t been a picnic, but it was worth it to get rid of something that had only caused my negative feelings for so long.. All through this I’m also reminded what a good husband I have..the best nurse ever..he walked me to the bathroom whenever i had to get up to go the first night, he woke me for meds, he woke me to eat a little to take my meds, he made sure i was comfortable, made sure the room was just the right coldness (having no ability to breathe through your nose makes you want COOL air), bought me the right foods (soft foods at first), cut up strawberries into little bites so i could eat them when my appetite returned. All of this, and he wouldn’t have cared if I didn’t have this surgery either way..just said whatever makes me happy–is what he wanted me to do. I love him and am thankful for him in every way possible… So while some teachers are out enjoying the first few days of summer, I am enjoying the ability to breathe through my left side (that just occured this morning and I’m SO happy about it lol), and remembering what daytime tv looks like, glad that i don’t watch it much other than these occasions! Those soap opera stars are still the same, botox of course helps that..!

I started watching Jon and Kate plus eight, sometime last year. I watched reruns and then newer episodes..and have been watching ever since. I started because it was fun to see the kids, how the family operated etc. It was very relaxing opposed to so many other tv shows..kind of like watching kittens play for an hour. But now-it is some other show, entirely. Not only is it on the television but their faces are on all of the magazines as you stand in the check out aisle. Its no longer enjoyable, its uncomfortable and weird. Jon and Kate sat apart, talked apart for the last several episodes. It was like watching your parents pretend as if nothing is wrong, even though you know deep down inside you–they are not speaking and not happy. It’s uncomfortable. Nothing about those shows felt good. Now, they are talking about a big reveal episode, for tomorrow night. The big news will be revealed–and it sure doesn’t seem like good news will be coming. The only good news they could give me, is if they decide to take the show off the air and work on their relationship and family–without the cameras.  Somehow–i doubt that will be the case. Jon is reportedly looking at apartments in NYC. Somehow this cutesy show has become a circus of media and misery.

I only wish they would consider trying to work things out for their kids–without the cameras.  Those kids have too much “stuff” now in print and photos–to see eventually..and divorce never feels good. Regular children of divorce know what it feels like..but having your business on tv and magazines, without your ability to change that (children have no choice in the matter) is going to make for an even harder road..in my opinion.

Those 8 kids..to them–i wish for peace and quiet some day soon..

I’m feeling kind of blue..My grandmother is a very busy, social grandma..as old as she is, you wouldn’t know it.. (she’ll be 92 soon).. but she fell and broke her ankle..as well as the other leg’s knee. She’s in the hospital..and will eventually have to go for rehab/staying at a nursing home as she heals. I know it’s inevitable..people age and these things happen. I just feel incredibly sad as I see she and my grandfather become frail and older. Their house is the house we go at Christmas time, and for the big Thanksgiving dinners..even though more of us help with the cooking as the years have passed..they are the grandparents I’ve had my entire life..right here..close by. I think I am lucky to have them..but wish I didn’t have to ever face losing them. I guess I’m not all that good at embracing the circle of life. Sigh.

Happy Mother’s Day to all..life is good..i am winding down the last part of my school year..June is not far away. I am enjoying spring and the sunshine (when it’s around!). I wish I were better at blogging more often! I just seem to not get it in as often as I’d like. Facebook gets in the way, or I am tired at night.  Wishing you all good things for the rest of May!

April is nearly done..well..kind of. I guess when I look at the calendar it appears nearly done and mostly because I’m even cheerier about May than I was about April! So WOO HOO..come on May! April was nice..i had a wonderful week off with my family in Florida. Sunshine, palm trees and reading my book by the pool (Finished Eclipse and now beginning the last book in the Twilight Saga).. Spent time with my mom-we’re a good crossword puzzle team. Saw Cirque Du Soleil at Disney which was the best show ever..I am still amazed and thinking about it. Went to Disney’s Hollywood Studios where I decided that yes..eventually one does grow tired of theme parks..and I was glad that was only one day out of our vacation. Took long walks with hubby and discussed our future retirement winter residence (FLORIDA)..because sunshine makes me so much happier than gloom and doom..and he’s a good husband who knows I’ll be a happier retired wife if I can be in some warm weather at least during the winters. 

What else? Still watching Idol and my favorites are still Adam, Danny and Allison.

I know I don’t post enough and facebook still draws me, but I think facebook can hinder us. When you have everyone you know on your facebook friend list? And those people all post what they’re doing and you’re posting what you’re doing and what you’re up to.. well..then when you see your friends you’re like “I know what they did last week and what they ate for dinner last night!” so you feel like you had conversations even though you didn’t..I’m afraid one day people will all just communicate with their little handheld devices and no one will ever look at or hear one another again..scary huh?